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How To Deal With Mean People Who Hate Your Writing

How To Deal With Mean People Who Hate Your Writing

Many people never realize their writing dreams.

One reason for that is the existence of so many mean people with caustic comments who find happiness in dressing down other people, their dreams and abilities.

I feel sad each time I receive an email from someone saying, “I used to love writing… until some people told me I can’t make it as a writer, that my writing is terrible… and amateurish… and painful to read.”

And wait, by haters, I’m not talking of people who leave critical reviews and constructive comments on your Facebook posts and blogs. Those are pen friends who want you to get better.

I’m talking of real dream killers, bad-mannered people who hate you, hate your writing, and never see good in anything you scribble – whenever, wherever.

They’re everywhere – on your street, in writing groups, on forums, on blogs, and social media – and if you haven’t met them, expect to, soon.

Like my friend, Muhiz Ogunwomoju, said, and I completely agree, the job of these people is “to hate.”

How To Deal With Haters

When most people – and maybe you too – meet such mean haters, they do one of two things:

#1. Fire back at them: maybe you also hate them, yell at them, conjure up their image in your mind and smash a glass over their head so their nose is broken and their face covered with blood.

#2. Expend all your resources to win them over: respond to their mean comments and explain yourself from 6pm to 3am and end up feeling drowsy for the next 48 hours.

Which of these is better? Why?

The short answer: neither.

Both responses are easy.

You’re already burning with anger, so it’s easy to get bitter too. Or you’ve the desire to debunk their bitter opinions about you, so it’s easy to spend days and energy doing it.

But both responses are also a complete waste of time and resources.

When you fire back, you’re only coming to their vengeful level. Think about it: when you get in the mud with a pig, you get dirty and stinking and sad, and the pig gets happy.

And when you go all out to make your haters love you and your writing, you’ll never make them stop doing their dream job: to hate. You’ll only become sadder and hence angry with yourself.

You’ll also miss the chance to connect with all the nice people who want to make friends with you and help you succeed.

Persuading your haters to change their minds is like putting a gun to your own head and telling them, “Love me now or I kill myself!”

You’re going to have to fire the gun anyway because they never will love you and your writing. Nor will they ever write you back to say, “I’m sorry, you’re right. Now I love you!”

The right way to deal with haters

Ignore them.

That’s hard, if you know what I mean.

Completely pay no attention to them. Don’t talk to them. Don’t reply them. Don’t look at their profile. Don’t gossip about them behind their backs. Don’t even think about them.

Few weeks ago, someone subscribed to my newsletter, downloaded my book, Your Right To Write, and unsubscribed immediately. He sent me a rude email reply: “When you want to build your mailing list, don’t use dishonest means. I just unsubscribed.”

Dishonest means? Is it dishonest to use a free gift (in this case, my free book) to get newsletter subscribers?

I was tempted to reply. But that would just waste my time, and energy. And it would never stop him from doing his job: to hate.

If he hates me and my book, why should I worry when the book generates over a dozen (and this is no exaggeration) positive feedback every single day? If he unsubscribed, why should I be sad when I get over 100 subscribers every single day?

Aweber subscribers

I didn’t reply him. I just pretended he didn’t exist.

That’s what you should do too. It’s hard, but it’s the only solution that works. When their hateful comments pop up on your blog or Facebook post or email inbox, just ignore them.

Here’s the wisdom behind it: you’re unique and you’re not and cannot be for everybody. When someone manifests this in the most unbecoming of manners, just smile and move on.

Don’t be another rude person to them. Let them go. They’ll come across another rude hater like them and serve each other.

Again, don’t waste your time and creative energy trying to win them over. It’s fruitless.

Just let go. Ignore your haters.

Focus on yourself, your craft and the nice people who are glad to read your pieces. And write your way to your dreams.

Question: How do you deal with people who hate you and your writing? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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-- Dr. Mahfouz A. Adedimeji | Fulbright scholar | Senior Lecturer, Unilorin | newspaper columnist

About Muhammed Abdullahi Tosin

Writer. Difference Maker. Entrepreneur. Author, Your Right To Write & Vertical Writing. Winner, 11 Writing Prizes.

Comments

  1. Clapping, clapping, and clapping. Just too good to ignore. People need to learn how to ignore haters and their acerbic comments in order to move forward in their endeavors. Thanks for sharing this, Abdullahi. You rock as always. 🙂

  2. Hi Abdullahi,

    It’s sad that many folks have made it a duty to come up with baseless criticisms…my friend, Ryan Biddulph calls such folks TROLLS. And come to think of it – does any name fit better?

    The folk who subscribed just to grab your eBook was obviously in complete envy and awe of you …and in his little, ‘smallish’ way, wanted to let you know that he had hit you back. But who was the fool here? Your option of going mute remains classical; afterall, SILENCE IS THE BEST ANSWER FOR FOOLS!

    Your work rocks and I always find time to drop by, so does other respected bloggers and distinguished writers. Why would any serious human being not appreciate your work?

    Do make the day great…and always remember to reserve your energy for better things.

    Always,
    Terungwa

  3. Tohir Olaitan says:

    Ignoring them is the best revenge for you do not give them the slightest opprtunity to know your mind not to talk of knowing how you feel and that is killing.

  4. Hey adullahi its just another nice piece from you again. keep it up. please I subscribe for your book Right to write and have not receive the book offer please kindly send it again

  5. Aminu Yusuf Malam says:

    Hi, Abdullahi. Thanks for another great piece; it’s very ‘pushy, I must say’. A writer faces challenges, ranging from misunderstanding to deliberate attempt to bring him/her down. Even though I cannot call myself a writer (technically speaking), I can say I have experienced such selfish hatred for my work(s). I used to write satirical pieces, only to be misjudged due to sheer lack of understanding of the craft. I concur with you, we should be ignoring such haters. Thanks, once again, for providing this impacting platform.

  6. Its a shame that people devote energy to do nothing but betray their lack of values.

    Although,i’ve never met them so far;if i ever do,then a ‘Thank You’ note would suffice as my modest form of revenge.

  7. Oluwapereyi says:

    Some months back, an article of mine titled; ‘Ebola Virus Disease: Otapiapia And The Reign Of Begology” was published on Abusidiqu.com and Theeagleonline.com. As a budding writer, this was no mean feat for me, albeit, my works have been published on bigger national publications – in print and online.

    Whoever is familiar with the ethos of publishing on these platforms, would agree with me that it isn’t totally out of place to include a short bio of yourself and a contact number/email address, whichever works for the writer, in your submission.

    I did just that. And some hours after my work was published, i received an annoying one-phrase email. In verbatim it read; “brilliant, but unwise.” Rather than go berserk, i smiled. The posers are; why didn’t i go mad? Why didn’t i fire back at this good-for-nothing hater? My answer is simple. To sum it in one phrase; I knew better. I was aware some people come online, leaving their minds and brains at home. I was aware those who read with rose-colored lenses and hate, usually have comprehension complications. I was aware they respond to a feat they deem impossible, in a maniacally bewildering manner. Above it all, i knew some witches die faster when ignored

    • That’s an interesting incident, Oluwapereyi. And your response is thoughtful as it’s philosophical. In a football match, the spectators score the most goals. It’s folks like him/her who are too timid, lazy and unskilled to write, that actually go about dressing down other people’s write ups.

      Thank for sharing.

  8. just dropped by! Seems at the ‘rightest’ time to do so. Two days ago, my article was posted on my faculty’s blog. The title: ‘let me tell you my gay story’. In the story, I tried to criticize the fact that women clamour for ‘gender equality’ instead of ‘gender justice’. But just for the first time in about 9months of my writing experience, I got the ‘hater’s’ comment: “Everything about this article annoyed me. I’m for gay rights but what is this? Must be the most illogical thing i’ve read all week. Just going to assume it’s a parody cos i can’t imagine people really think like this.”
    Just like you, I already decided not to reply, but I got more strength to do that here, again.
    Thanks Mr. Tosin

  9. Ayeyemi Taofeek Kehinde says:

    A top-notch advice. Thanks.

  10. Robert Paul Ikhuoria says:

    Hi Coach,

    Never take a hater serious. Dance to the tune of your music. Allowing their input count will only spoil your dance flow. Remember: trying make a hater understand you is a waste of time. They won’t. And never will.

    You rock! And what matters to me is: your writings help me improve daily.

    Stay blessed Coach.

  11. Chidi Nkwocha says:

    It’s not as if there may not have been a cause to hate one’s work (a human being can’t like everything, of course), but what is really painful is the manner in which the criticism is made. I tell myself most times that if I don’t have anything well articulated to comment, I’d rather shut up. And… The ignore tactic seems to work perfectly well; we shouldn’t be unduly moved by ‘frivolous’ emotions.

  12. Wondeful piece up there. I think that sometimes you still have to muster courage and listen to such “haters”. Don’t just listen to your clique of friends- they are just psychophants who will tell you are an amazing writer when in fact they only read your stuff to make you happy. A so-called “hater” may sometimes exaggerate your weakness but at the end of the day he will telll you to the face what your friends will not tell. I know it will be hard, but sometimes give them a listening ear even if their comments do not seem to you to be ” constructive”. work on yourself to be better and you will find that they are actually encouraging you on.And once you are on top of your game, not you but others will rise up to your defence.

  13. Thank you so much for this article. I learnt a great lesson today after an article of mine on a contoversial topic was published on a popular site yesterday. As a writer, I have to be bold enough to voice my opinion. Many times before, I may just be afraid to see a comment from a hater or a critic. But now, I’m gone beyond that. Afterall, your style of writing and opinion will not be liked by everyone.
    “Just because you don’t buy into others’ opinions does not make yours superior to theirs or mean you are right….agree to disagree”

  14. sean collins says:

    To my own perception; I believe without Critic we can never Xp lore beyond the level at which we are. Cos of critic made tosin more creative to put down this wonderful article. This article is motivational,Encouragement so as for the young writers like Us to know actually what we going to encounter when publishing and wrting our own article. Triple tnx to ya Mr Tosin. Pls if there is any site at which one can submit articles I will be Happy to get some of the website. Pls am sean collins here is my email Seanstussy@hotmail.com.
    Pls n pls anybody dnt hesitate to get in touch with me. This my num one web 4 tech n reinforcement. More Greece to ya elbow mr Tosin

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